via: http://tvwatch.people.com/2009/07/14/bachelorettes-blog-jillians-heart-wrenching-goodbye/
It’s a little harder to write my blog now that there is less fun, juicy gossip and more deep, heartfelt feelings. How do you put this into words? This week was a hard one to watch — that heart-wrenching goodbye with Reid, the close-to-inappropriate steamy scene with Ed, (um, did that almost top my hot tub scene!? Yikes!) and me almost barfing on myself on that totem pole with Kiptyn! I have to admit that a lot of feelings came rushing back when I watched the episode this week.
Before I forget, I have to tell you how I spent my entire morning (from 9 a.m. to 1:30 p.m.) last Tuesday ... Holy moly, you guys!!! I am having so much fun with them, though! And for all of you who sent out a special little ’shout out’ to me directly … I HEAR YOU! And THANK YOU! xo
I have to say that my date with Kiptyn was WAY funnier than could ever be revealed on the screen. I just about peed my pants about 10 times that day. The ropes course was definitely the most humbling date I think Kip or I have ever been on. Poor Kip looked like a baby giraffe on those ropes, and I couldn’t catch my breath I was laughing so hard! To make matters worse, there was a continuation of themes on this date. Well, it all started on the western date back in Los Angeles when Kip had to wear very tight chaps. Then on the flamenco date, those pants — well let’s just say he claims he had trouble zipping them up. So, when we walked up to the ropes course, I told him, “Well, thank God I’m not putting you in skintight pants!” Just then we looked at the instructor and the harness he was wearing and Kip just looked at me and said, “WAIT A MINUTE!!!!” Turns out the harness accentuated that “area” and we howled for the entire date!
Reid’s date was very bitterSWEET (I capped the sweet because it was more sweet than bitter). See, Reid and I had a very good energy together. When we were together, it was like an old high school crush. We rarely worried about the specifics and were always just so flighty together. What you didn’t see was that we actually got a couples’ massage on the beach before dinner. Soooo romantic! I highly recommend it (if you happen to be slumming around the beaches of Maui looking for something to do)!
Another funny thing happened on that date: I was waiting on this picturesque beach for him to arrive that evening, with tiki torches behind me and the smell of gardenia filling the air. Well, just as Reid came around the corner, a little crab came running toward me and I started screaming and jumping up and down. As you can imagine, Reid and I laughed so hard. We were both so curious about that little crab and couldn’t concentrate on anything else for the longest time! So, that feeling that I have been looking for was definitely there with Reid, but the promise of any sort of commitment or partnership wasn’t there. And because I have been hurt before by not being realistic, it made me put up a wall and inevitably led to me letting Reid go. I will have to agree with Chris in saying this had to be the most emotional goodbye in Bachelorette history.
Now Ed’s date. I definitely have to say Ed and I fit A LOT into that day — the catamaran ride, cliff jumping and swimming in the ocean, but the best part of the date was not something I had planned … it was Ed’s surprise. I was SHOCKED when he told me he brought his parents to Hawaii. I had been hearing about this Judy for so long, she became sort of a legend to me. I am positive I was more nervous than she was. And how about Ed’s dad and his classic quote “What the hell are we doing here?” That was another belly laugh moment. After all the hometown dates, I will have to say this was definitely one of my favorites. So real.
Again, I have to say that this episode tugged on the heartstrings. I have been blessed with these three individuals who are not only bright, genuine, charismatic, gorgeous and down to earth — but who respect me and adore me. I can now say with 100 percent conviction that it is possible to fall for more than one person when you are presented with individuals of this caliber.
Bless you,
Jilly Beans
22 comments:
Jillian, as a fellow Canuck, I want you to know we are proud of you! Follow your heart, there are no guarantees in life and you really do have to take a leap of faith and find a person that is willing to work at it with you! I trust that you have found the one and I wish both of you all the happiness in the world! (I am really hoping that Ed is the one beside you at the end) but if he's not, then that is okay too! Enjoy life, and love! Nothing worth anything in life comes easy, it always takes work!
Jillian,
If you didn't say it's hard to write your blog now, I'd wonder whats wrong as you could feel it in this blog. It just didn't feel like the Jillian we've come to know writing it. I can understand watching that episode had to tear at your heartstrings and maybe cause a little self doubt if you let Reid go too soon. Considering that you can't let on to anything you have to be very careful what you write, so that aspect makes it difficult too. It seems for sure that Reid comes back and opens up probably telling you he loves you, but it's probably too late as you've made your decision and hopefully it won't become what happened with Jason and the Molly Melissa situation. After reading other blogs and comments on here it's difficult to not be influenced, but one thing that was said over and over that I seem to agree with is it appears you were more concerned with it ending in a proposal and that might have influenced your choice. Both Reid and Kiptyn didn't seem like they were ready to propose in the short amount of time and rightfully so. We aren't privy to what goes on behind closed doors, so I'm hoping that your decision wasn't proposal based as you wanted a sure thing and not to be hurt. I hope you based it on your feelings not what was being said or not said to you. Wishing you the best, hopefully you made the right choice and are very happy now.
Dear Jilly Beans;
You have no idea how much I enjoy watching you on the screen with these two last men. I've actually been away from home. And not being able to see the show every monday is heart breaking. LOL xP
But I do get te details from my friend on Tuesdays over MSN but that is not the same! :D
Jillian I have to say you have been through so many difficult things the pass few months and for you to show this respect is why your so loved by everyone. And it's not only because of how beautiful you are.
I hope that on your final stage of finding love, you will see the truth behind both these charming men. And find the right one for YOU! I am also hoping you pick ED and so is my friend. But you see behind the scences. So goodluck. And you probably hear this a lot but, follow your heart and not your thought. Your an amazing person from what I see, and maybe you just need that to be said after every rose ceremony, just to show you that even if you hurt someone in the end, you will always be an amazing loving/caring lady. But it's all true. Lots of love - Your biggest fan . ..
- melanie -
Obviously we don't see everything, probably hardly anything, but it was clear that the best relationship (after 6 weeks)was Reid and you. Ed doesn't look you in the eye when he talks (something weird there), and Kiptyn kisses you all wrong..So I question your judgement..especially now that I am reading on the message boards that people do have sex in the FS...I hope you didn't Jillian..that is really creepy to me...but your choice to let Reid go makes absolutely NO SENSE to me at this time..I question your judgement, and I have been the entire show..Ed is not your type at all, but Kiptyn and Reid are...It is so obvious to those who blog..what are we missing between you and Ed?? All you do is kiss, when did you two talk..so he said he loved you..words are cheap..Reid showed you (much more valuable)..I don't have any hope you will marry your choice, unless it ends up being Reid..that would have been your only chance to make it with one of them..
You said you wanted to find your best friend..it appeared you did with Reid and Kip..at least there were conversations we saw that make either of those choices understandable. Ed was gone, and in Spain all we saw was a bunch of kissing and Ed telling you a bunch of stuff without ever looking you in the eyes. He still doesn't look at you in the eyes..I can't believe you would go with words versus what you felt inside, and from all that I saw, Reid and Kip make you sweet and cute..Ed looks like he makes you uncomfortable (or you should be) and it seemed like you talked less with him than Reid..and if I could tell Reid loved you, why couldn't you??? So he didn't want to say it after how many weeks with a bunch of other guys there too..wow, you missed the one chance I think you may have had at getting married after this show..hope you did find happiness, but I believe it will be short lived if Reid doesn't come back and sweep you off your feet (literally)...
If I were Reid watching this show now, I'd be glad you kicked me off!!! Your judgement and promiscuity is beyond me!! I see no connection with Ed, not a real one. I did in the beginning, but not in the end. You built relationships with Kip and Reid.......not Ed, please, you had no time!!!
Jillian, I am so glad to see that you have the strength to see past the negative comments and are standing by any decisions that you have made. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is being happy and no regrets.
Also, I know many people that became engaged within a few months of knowing each other and are still together and happy today. Some are celebrating anniversaries of upwards of 30 years together.
Best wishes for you future
Catherine
A fellow Alberta Girl :)
dear Jllian
as a fellow Canuck i wish you all the best and whatever Wes says i still think he is a no-class creep(c'mon..ya don't dress like you are going to milk the cows for dinner in a fancy restaurant )Good luck and take care!!!
Catherine from Quebec ciy
Jillian,
My heart was hurting for Reid last night! I trust that you are following your heart, but letting a guy like Reid go..I dont know what you were thinking! :) Just because Reid couldn't say what you wanted him to doesnt mean he didnt feel it. I think along with many other viewers, I myself thought he showed it much better than the other two men. Nothing against those other two men because they are great as well. I wish you all the best and hope your are truely happy!
Sarah
Reid is by far the most genuine guy...so he could not say I will marry you... he showed his emotions he did not need to be pressured into saying it! I would be so skeptical of any guy admitting love to quickly. It would be impossible to look back on these episodes and not see the chemistry with Reid, Ed is not real and Kip is well just not that into you.
I agree Kipton is just not that into you but Reid wow the sparks fly when you two are together. You are the most relaxed and seem to have the best time with him, Ed is well kind of creepy!
Oh Jillian.
Sweety...the scenes with Ed were totally inappropriate. I had to turn it off. I guess I am on old fashioned girl.
Jilly,
After reading these comments I can't help but feel bad for you. Maybe people mean well saying this, but they are forgetting they're not walking in your shoes and don't see a lot of what happens off film, so it's very unfair first to judge by only what they see, but to judge and criticize you for your own feelings right or wrong. Also people don't realize when you make your decisions you're not hearing some of what we hear such as in the case with Wes and possibly if you had heard some of what Reid said especially in the limo you might have not second guessed him so much. I know you'll be given a second chance it seems with Reid, but for some reason it doesn't look like you take it, once again when you're given that chance you haven't watched the shows and seen what was said, so I can't imagine him convincing you as he's not good with expressing things. It must be very difficult for you to read these comments knowing your reasons without being able to respond at this point, hopefully your blog at the end will explain it all. Hope you made the right decision and are happy.
Linda
Hurry, call Reid and see if he will give you a second chance! He is real and cares for you...love is not scripted and written for a tv timeline. Hurry...call now!
Dear Jillian, how hard all this must be and to think what the heck why not eh? In the end no matter what and no matter who you just need to be sure you are with the right one. One other thing, whether the person you have chosen for now is right just think of all the amazing men that came and wanted to be with you and will continue to do so throughout the rest of your life. You are so worthy of Kip and anyone else out there and I hope that you know and see that don't let the right one go because of insecurities - I wish you everything life has to offer, Edita.
Jill, When you failed to choose Reid, my heart broke a little. (but thankfully I managed to get out of bed this morning:)) I have watched this show way too many seasons, and this was the first relationship I actually felt was real. Hope Reid and you both the best even if it is not together:(
Jill---I can't believe that you read all of these comments. That is awesome. I have never commented on anything before....but when I read your column, saying you read all of our responses, I had to respond! I have bee reading a lot of those "other" boards.....people can be so incredibly mean-spirited. But, I think the important thing that they are forgetting is that you (and the guys) are real people. Whether or not this is a "reality" show....how much is "scripted".....doesn't matter! It is all for our enjoyment and it is for you to, hopefully, find love.
I, for one, honestly hope that you have found true love. I know that this is a show and the producers have to make it as dramatic as possible. I mean, we've all been laughing for years about the "most dramatic rose ceremony EVER", haven't we? It is a t.v. show. So, all this debate, and speculation is ridiculous. It's fun, as a viewer, to try and guess the end. It's fun, as a single woman, to compare your choices with the choices I might make, in your shoes.
I honestly believe there are many of us out "here" who want the best for all of you.
OK, everybody want to know my "prediction"? Based, solely on what I see in your eyes, Jillian. I think you and Ed are in love. I hope I'm right.
But, the most important thing is to hold your head high, ignore all of the negativity, the "debunkers", etc. Be true to yourself, Jill.
We're all out here, rooting for you, regardless of your choice(s)!
Hi Jill what fun you added to the Peace country home! We love you and thank you for shareing yourself with us !
Hey Jillian, Well first of all I know you have already made your decision and I'm hoping it's Ed. He may have chosen to leave because of work but, he had time away and was able to see truly what meant the most to him,so to me that means a whole heck of a lot. He's genuine and he respects you totally and completely like any good man should. Kiptyn and Reid were two great guys but, so wrong for you. Neither of them really knew what they wanted at the end but, Ed did. I hope you followed your heart which I saw with Ed. You are a great person and just know your highly thought of. Thank you for sharing this time with us.
Nicole-a Georgia girl
Hi Jillian,
By the time you read this, the show will be over and you will have made your decision. I truly wish that you made the right one for yourself. It's too easy to get caught in the illusive atmosphere the show offers. Whatever you have decided then, just remember that our life unfolds according to our beliefs and our worst enemy is pride. I am 59 years old, there is so much I would do differently if I could go back 30 years :). Best of luck to you.
Michelle - east coast Canada
Jillian, I'm sooooo proud of you! I'm probably going to write this same message to you when you blog next. I just want you to know, that those who are with you are FAR MORE than those that are against you. You have followed your heart and I know that the heavens have led you because of your pure in heart spirit. May all your dreams come true...you're a lovely soul.
Jillian, I would love to do your wedding hair. Please check out my brides on my website Congratulations, I think Ed is the best!
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