IF YOU LIKE FEET AND TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS, YOU DON'T GET A ROSE TANNER!

Bachelorette Recap: Half-nude dudes don't get roses and love can't pay the bills, kid

On the same night that Jon and Kate Gosselin announced their divorce (in spite of the 'Plus 8'), Jillian Harris rode a love train with eight eligible bachelors.

On board the Rocky Mountaineer, Jillian and the elite eight traveled by train across scenic western Canada, stopping off at Lake Louise, Emerald Lake and spending the final night in a lodge at Banff National Park.

With three dates this week, Jillian announced the first by whipping a date card out of her clothes. She hands it to the man huddle and mysteriously walks off to her own, private train car. Robby reads the card, which is actually for.... Robby. The card says he and Jillian will have their one-on-one date on board the train.

Robby is pumped for their time alone, and is feeling more and more confident that Jillian's the girl he'll marry. It's date time, and Robby puts his bartendings skills to the test by juggling some drink shakers, which has Jillian giggling like a little girl. She says something about feeling 10 years younger when she's with Robby.

Pretty soon, it's time to eat. Jillian and Robby head to the caboose for dinner to enjoy amazing views. But private eye Jillian needs to know if Robby is ready to start a family--she says she's ready for kids in the next couple years. What does he think of that?

"Love doesn't have an age. Love doesn't have a job." Huh? He also goes on to say that his family has a curse upon them, and all bets are on the fact that Robby will be the first one to marry. Jillian comes to her senses and sends Robby home, saying it's breaking her heart to do so. But she just can't see herself with Robby, telling the camera she's not sure he's really thought through how he'd support a wife and kids, being "between jobs" and all. Tough cookie, that Jillian is.

Perhaps more brutal than Sasha's farewell on the L.A. city bus is Robby's dismissal. The guy's bags are already packed, and one of the train attendants drops them off at the side of the tracks. It appears they just dropped him off in the middle of the Canadian wilderness, but Chris Harrison says it was a legit train station. What makes this even worse is that the rest of the seven guys get to watch the brutality from inside the warm train. Waiting in the last car is Jillian, giving Robby a sad face and a bon voyage as the Rocky Mountaineer pulls away. Just brutal.

Back in the train, Wes take the situation for what is it: another chance to get some face time with cameras to pimp his album, Full Circle. Breaking into Jillian's train car, he snaps into "Jillian mode." The guy is correct in his assumption:Jillian is upset fromletting Robby go. The bummed bachelorette is thrilled to see captain songbird once again, with or without his guitar. She turns Wes into a body pillow, burying her face into his chest.

"Right now at this stage of the game, if there's anybody here for a hidden agenda, it'd probably be me," Wes says to the camera, with Jillian safely out of earshot. "I've been working on an album for over a year. The publicity that I'll get from this, it's almost like I taste it, and I eat it, and it comes inside of me, and it becomes a part of me." Wes has records to sell, and he's got Jillian wrapped around his finger. And, it's making him hungry.

The next day, Jillian gives the guys a group date card. While the other dudes don snow shoes and play hide-and-seek with Jillian, Reid realizes he has one shot to get this right if he's going to make it to the hometown dates. He sits down with one of the train personnel and asks for some feminine advice. "Glasses on? Glasses off?" Train lady says no frames; Reid is satisfied with her answer and preps for his one-on-one date the next day.

Back at snoeshoe village, love is in the air. What would become of us if we didn't get to hear more about Tanner's toe fetish? Outside, he "helps" Jillian slip on her winter footwear, incredibly psyched just to get closer to her feet. All in all, the snowshoe date was only half as exciting as the curling date the other week.

Jillian grabs pilot Jake for some alone time. He tells her he's comfortable around her because she's just like his mom. Uh oh. Jake kicks up the intensity by almost, but not quite, telling Jillian he's falling in love with her. Double uh oh. It's bad enough that Jillian called him "perfect" the other week. He tries to shed that stereotype by coming right out and telling it like it is, but Jillian's tense smile in the train car says it all. She's not leaning in for a kiss, but does all she can to tell Jake not to worry. She knows he's there for the right reasons.

With Robby now history, the youngest guy left in the competition (Michael the break dancer) will now be known as "the kid." He wants to make a move to show Jillian he's really into her. The kid tells Jillian the guys are all dying to know what she wears in bed. [Nervous giggle.] "Well," she replies, "Probably underwear and a tank top on a normal night. Or, if I've had a few drinks, maybe just underwear." Michael tells her he can't stand wearing clothes to bed, and sometimes he wears his underwear around his ankle just to get it off him. Then things just get a little uncomfortable, as the guys ask Tanner what he wears at night.

Changing the game from "truth or dare" to an awkward "show and tell," Tanner gets excited. This is his chance. "Let me show you!" Tanner stands up in front of the group, with hands creeping toward his zipper. Uh oh. Following in the footsteps of speedo-wearing Michael and pool nudie Brian, Tanner drops his pants, revealing some super-tight briefs. "That's what daddy wears, right there," he gloats. Proud of his package, Tanner is now an open book. "She knows I've got a foot fetish, and she knows I was born with a big %$#&."

Jillian's reaction is classic. "I just don't want to see somebody's package yet." [That's in a couple weeks.] "Although it was huge, I don't need to see it again."

Cut to Tanner rubbing Jillian's feet. Amazingly, she still let's this guy fondle her toes whenever he wants. He rates her feet a 9, or 9.5. "If she would paint them Mango Mango, they would be a 10," Tanner says.

Next, the kid takes Jillian outside for some smores and some alone time, but their friendship seems to overpower any romance. Inside the house, Tanner is all atwitter over his Mango Mango revelation, and decides to tell all the guys it was his idea to tell Jillian someone had a girlfriend at home. Score! The rest of the guys like him well enough that they respect Tanner's decision. But Wes says he "hates a tattle tale." This guy is starting to sound like David, with his man code speech set to broken record.

Jillian finishes off this date by giving Kiptyn the rose. She's excited to meet his family; he accepts.

The next day, it's time for Jillian to give Reid a snowboarding lesson. What's more romantic than repeatedly falling in the snow? Trying new things! Jillian loves it that Reid stepped out of his comfort zone by choosing to snowboard instead of ski, and says he was a good sport.

The two eventually make it to a romantic ice lounge, where they can share a frozen bench and take in the gorgeous winter mountainscape. Jillian asks Reid what he wants in a family. This is when he feels it's appropriate to challenge Jillian's "hot dog theory" with a stellar one of his own. "Um, did you know red ears mean you're horny?" On that note, the two start kissing beneath fluffy eskimo hoods before making their way to someplace warmer.

In the kitchen, Reid is worried that cooking meat in fondue will spread bacteria. His mood-killer statement doesn't bother Jillian, who's actually turned on by his neurotic behaviors. ''Reid is not afraid to tell me what his imperfections are, and in turn it makes me a lot more comfortable around him.'' Jillian confesses that she doesn't even wash off fruit from the grocery store. Fruit...meat...These two obviously have a lot to overcome before considering a lifelong committment.

With the train arriving in Banff, Jillian tells the guys to get ready for the rose ceremony. She meets up with Chris Harrison (who's awkwardly standing in the snow waiting for their train to arrive--is this guy always in a suit and tie?) so she can run through all the guys one more time before sending two more home.

In the deliberation room, complete with framed photos of all the guys (in case she forgets), Chris asks Jillian what she thinks about Wes. "I don't think he knows how to lie," Jillian says, in an extreme twist of irony. She admits that she's worried about Miichael the kid's age and also says Tanner is more concerned about degrading the other guys instead of working on his relationship with her, which worries her.

Arriving to the rose ceremony, Jillian's not sure who she'll pick. She asks for a moment alone with the kid, who follows her out to the hallway. Jillian says she never expected to fall for a guy who was only 25, and she needs to know if he's ready for a committed relationship.

"Jillian, I'm telling you, I'm not a guy that needs to know a lot of girls," he replies. "I have not had a one-night stand. I don't do that.The one thing I'm missing in my life is the forever person...you know?'' She seems pleased with his answer, and the two return to the rose room.

With Reid's and Kiptyn's hometown dates already in the bag, Jillian gives her last three roses to:

1. Jesse
2. Wes
3. Michael the kid

This sends Tanner and Jake home. Amazingly, neither guy uses this newly departed status to rat out Wes in front of Jillian. Just wait for Jake's dramatic return, shown in next week's previews.

Also in the previews, we learn that Wes brings Jillian to meet his band, yet another ploy to get his music career off the ground. This is funny, because it almost seemed a given that he'd introduce Jillian to his producer instead of Dad. (...Or his girlfriend, in lieu of Mom?) Kiptyn, Jesse, the kid and Reid will also take Jillian home. In a hilarious stunt, one of the families puts up caution tape around their hot tub, teasing "hot tub Harris" about her now-famous makeout scene with Jason Mesnick last season.

Chris Harrison promises that next week is "the best episode we've had by far." With the return of good-boy Jake and previews of a bachelor's return in Spain, things are looking up for viewers.

via: http://www.examiner.com/x-11850-Bachelorette-Examiner~y2009m6d23-Bachelorette-Recap-Halfnude-dudes-dont-get-roses-and-love-cant-pay-the-bills-kid